


You were my Star (you still are)

by aurawinterrain



Series: Bokuaka Week 2020 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji-centric, Angst and Feels, Break Up, Broken Promises, F/M, Falling Out of Love, Future Fic, Heavy Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Marriage, One-Sided Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, One-Sided Attraction, Rings, The Author Regrets Nothing, it's just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26187505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurawinterrain/pseuds/aurawinterrain
Summary: Akaashi Keiji only fell in love with one person in his life - he fell in love with his loudness, his passion for volleyball, his mood swings. His spikes, his ‘hey hey hey’s, the way his eyes sparkled in the darkness. He fell in love with Bokuto Koutarou, even if he no longer had the right to call him his.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Bokuaka Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857340
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40
Collections: Bokuaka Week 2020





	You were my Star (you still are)

**Author's Note:**

> The summary doesn't really make sense haha ^^ This is just a hot mess, honestly. I like the story a lot, but I can't be sure if any of them are in character or if the formatting makes sense. If you have any constructive criticism, leave it down below in the comments. If not, enjoy

Akaashi met Bokuto’s eyes from across the aisle, a gentle smile settling on his lips as sweet music began to fill up the room. Bokuto never looked happier in his life, a huge grin spread across his face, but Akaashi could tell from how his fingers were tapping nervously against his pants that the former was also extremely nervous. How could anyone not be, on their big day? FInally, the music stopped, and everyone took their seats. All eyes were on the two figures standing at the front, as the priest started to speak. 

The small chatter in the room faded into static as Akaashi fixated his gaze on Bokuto - he had seen the older male in a tuxedo before, but the black suit contrasted with the bright golden highlights managed to make his honey golden eyes stand out even more. Ethereal, Akaashi concluded. Bokuto looked ethereal. 

“ If any of you has reasons why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.” 

Both Akaashi and Bokuto glanced at the audience, eyes sweeping over the numerous people and searching for an answer, a voice, anything. The setter’s gaze caught Konoha’s eyes, and he swallowed the lump in his throat when he saw the care and concern that was conveyed. He sucked in a deep breath, hoping to stem the raging fire that plagued the depths of his stomach ever since the ceremony started. Fingering the cool platinum ring on his right finger, Akaashi could only lower his gaze and kept his mouth shut, even if everything in him was screaming, yelling, telling him to stand up and object. 

Bokuto was originally his, after all. 

Back when they were still in high school, Bokuto made a promise. It was silly for Akaashi to have taken him seriously, but they were young, dumb and in love. Simply teenagers who had no idea how cruel the real could be. Looking back, he should have just laughed it off. If he did, maybe his heart wouldn’t feel like it was being torn into a million different pieces now. 

After one of their practice matches, Akaashi had waited until everyone had left, before confessing. The latter was graduating in a few months, and he had already accepted an offer to train overseas, after all. There was really nothing to lose on his end. He wasn’t expecting Bokuto to accept his conversation, to return his feelings. He wasn’t expecting to be swept up into a bone crushing hug, Bokuto’s voice trembling slightly as he whispered that it was unfair and that he had wanted to confess first. He didn’t expect the kiss on his lips, didn’t expect to start dating the captain of Fukurodani’s volleyball team. 

Everyone was so accepting, saying that it would have happened sooner or later, that they were simply meant to be. Perhaps that was what made the separation ten times harder than it should have been. Bokuto made a lot of promises the night before he flew off. He promised Akaashi ( Keiji, he called him Keiji, then) that he would come back three years later, stronger than ever. He promised that they would talk daily (that was what skype was for, right?), that he would never forget Akaashi, not in a million years. 

Then, right before Akaashi’s eyes fluttered shut, he heard Bokuto whisper one last promise. “I promise that once I’m back, I’ll marry you, Keiji.” 

The first year was fine. Bokuto tried his best to fit into his new team, and Akaashi tried his best to adjust to life without the wing spiker. Then, Bokuto got busier. Practice matches every other day, with hellish physical training that wore him out so much he could barely remember how he got back to his dorms before falling asleep. Akaashi was busy too, swamped up with university applications, and before he knew it, he had officially graduated. 

Daily facetimes turned into weekly phone calls, then it became a few texts that came fortnightly. He tried his best not to hold it against Bokuto, especially when a package came in the mail 2 years after Bokuto left. One platinum ring sat in a box, with tiny diamond studs around the band. It was simple, but beautiful. 

“Take care of my ring, Keiji~ It’s just a promise ring, but when I’m back, I will propose to you with something fancier <3 I love you.” 

_ Things were rocky, but it was fine _ , he told himself as he drifted off to sleep every night.  _ Bokuto still loves me _ . 

-

Their parting was expected. A year after the promise ring arrived, they were hardly speaking to each other. Still, Akaashi couldn’t find it in his heart to blame Bokuto. It was only natural for him to only get busier as the years progressed, after all. Yet, it was hard for him to be the only one putting in the effort to reach out to the wing spiker all the time, only to have him send back one word answers. 

On one of the rare days that Bokuto had his mornings off, Akaashi decided to give him a call. It was nearing midnight in Japan, but he hardly cared. His sleep schedule was already screwed up thanks to university, he didn’t see the point in trying to correct it now. The call connected, and hearing Bokuto after such a long time actually brought tears to his eyes. 

“Keiji? Isn’t it late there?” 

“Let’s break up, Bokuto-san.” 

There was silence on the other end, then a sigh. 

“I’m sorry-”

“I don’t fault you for it. It was just hard, all on my own, here in Japan. If I couldn’t wait for you to finish your training, I didn’t think that I deserved to keep holding on to you. Please, find someone who would love you more than I do, Bokuto-san.” 

At this point, his voice was shaking so much he was surprised that Bokuto could tell what he was saying. 

“Kei- Akaashi. I’m really sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Bokuto-san. The past three years that we were together, even if the majority of them were spent apart,” He paused, sucking in a deep breath. “I never once regretted anything. You made me feel like I was the happiest person on earth.” His voice broke near the end, so, without even waiting for Bokuto to reply, he hung up. 

_ I still love you though, Koutarou.  _ The words that he desperately wanted to say hung in the air, as he buried himself under the covers. 

_ Can we try us again, when you’re back?  _

He stopped contacting Bokuto afterwards. 

-

Bokuto came back to Japan one year later. Akaashi was there at the airport, together with Kuroo and a few other close friends. Bokuto didn’t say anything about the breakup, nor did he make it seem like they haven’t talked for a year, so he was partially grateful for that. They eventually slipped back into a normal ‘senior-junior’ relationship, occasionally sending each other texts to check up on what they were doing. 

Akaashi felt himself slowly moving forward, finally able to breathe even when he was in the same room as the spiker. That was, until Bokuto showed up to one of their yearly Fukurodani meet-ups with a girlfriend. He had texted Akaashi the night before, saying that one of the cheerleaders caught his eye and he was going to try confessing after the match. Akaashi didn’t think much of it, merely wishing Bokuto good luck. 

“She said yes!” Bokuto exclaimed, pulling the petite girl close to his side as he did so. Akaashi felt his heart clench, and the ring that he was still foolishly wearing felt like it was burning into his skin. He forced a tight smile on his lips. “Congratulations, Bokuto-san.” He said stiffly. “She looks really beautiful.” Even if the words made his insides shrivel up, he forced them out, then found an excuse to leave the scene. 

That night, before he fell asleep, he lifted up his right hand and watched as the ring glowed under the moonlight.  _ Maybe Bokuto-san wouldn’t like her that much, after all. He didn’t buy her a ring, right?  _

-

“They’re getting engaged.” Akaashi split the hot coffee all over the table, some of it splashing onto his jeans, but he hardly cared. After that night, Akaashi found enough strength in himself to pull away from any news of Fukurodani’s ace, cutting off all contact with him. Konoha continued to let Akaashi know every few months that Bokuto was doing fine, he was fitting in well with the Black Jackals, that he was still very much like the Bokuto back in high school. 

“Akaashi, your jeans are ruined! Are you okay?” Konoha was desperately trying to clean up the mess, but the setter was sitting there rigidly, almost like he had completely stopped functioning.    
“I-I’m alright, Konoha-san. I’m sorry, but I think I have a meeting with one of the manga authors in an hour. I should probably go prepare for that.”

“Wait, what? But you said you were-” Akaashi stood up, putting the money for his drink on the table and left. 

“You said that you were free the whole day…”

The sky was cloudy when he left the cafe, but Akaashi couldn’t find it in himself to care. He started to walk down the sidewalk, hardly caring where he was going. All he knew was that when the words ‘engaged’ left Konoha’s mouth, it felt like his entire mind was plunged underwater. The sounds around him became muffled, and his brain failed to comprehend the information that it was being fed. Without even thinking, he ended up on the pier, and seated himself right at the end. 

Pulling the ring off his finger, he clutched it tightly in his palm as he stared out at the waters, hoping that eventually everything that was going on in his head would calm down. He didn’t remember how long he sat there, hardly minding that it had started drizzling. Suddenly, a warm jacket was slung over his shoulder, and there was an umbrella over his head. 

“What’re you doing out here? Thank goodness Konoha called me.” Kuroo’s voice was soft, as he helped Akaashi up, looping an arm around his thin frame. Akaashi’s legs had long gone numb, so his entire body weight was thrown against Kuroo, but the latter hardly minded. Somehow balancing the umbrella and Akaashi with one hand, the setter found himself finally situated in Kuroo’s apartment, a steaming mug of tea in front of him. Kuroo had wiped his hair dry, even providing Akaashi a pair of clothes to change into.

Yet, it was only when Kuroo drew him in for a comforting hug, murmuring that it was going to be okay, did Akaashi fully come to terms with what was happening. Bokuto was getting married. Bokuto,  _ his  _ Bokuto, was getting married to a random woman that he hardly knew. The floodgates burst open, and he sobbed, sobbed until he was dry, hoping that he would be able to cry his feelings out. 

_ Why did I think that he would come back for me? Why did I trust him? Why did I break up with him? Why- _

-

So here he was, attending Bokuto’s wedding, watching as he gave the love of his life away to this  _ cheerleader  _ that had somehow managed to capture his heart. 

Seeing as no one spoke up to object, the priest continued. 

“Bokuto Koutarou, do you take Yui Sakura, as your lawfully wedded wife?”

There were a few beats of silence, and Akaashi glanced up to find Bokuto’s eyes fixed on him. Offering the spiker a tiny smile, Bokuto turned back to his partner, seemingly standing up a little bit straighter. 

“I do.” 

~

“Akaaaashi! There you are! I honestly wasn’t expecting you to attend the wedding, considering how busy you are as an editor nowadays. You don’t even reply to my texts, anymore.” Bokuto caught Akaashi right before he was about to leave the ceremony, slinging an arm around his junior like he used to. Akaashi laughed, but it sounded fake even to his own ears. 

“I wouldn’t miss your wedding even if the world was ending, Bokuto-san.” He replied. 

“When is it going to be your turn?”

“Pardon?” Akaashi tilted his head to the side in confusion. Where in the world did Bokuto get any news that he had a partner? 

“You have a ring on your right hand, right? I’ve never seen you take it off. I never thought to ask, but you have a secret lover that you haven’t told anyone yet, yes?” 

Akaashi’s lips parted slightly in surprise.  _ So he forgot, he actually forgot.  _ Somehow, the realization hit him harder than he expected it to. 

“It’s not so much a secret lover,” He mused softly, finally prying himself away from Bokuto so he could look at him in the eye properly. 

“More of a secret love that I’ve been unable to let go of. It’s getting late, I should get going now, Bokuto-san.” He bowed slightly, and left the church, tears openly streaming down his cheeks. 

_ Akaashi Keiji only fell in love with one person in his life - he fell in love with his loudness, his passion for volleyball, his mood swings. His spikes, his ‘hey hey hey’s, the way his eyes sparkled in the darkness. He fell in love with Bokuto Koutarou, even if he no longer had the right to call him his.  _


End file.
